Texas Tech Advanced Volleyball Camp 2014

Day One

Day Two

Finding Closure

I honestly do not know the best and most efficient way to find closure, so I am no expert. This post is based on my experience. I have tried making the guy jealous, talking to him, or not talking to him or trying to be friends with an ex. However, I have come to find that it is easier and more productive for me to be pissed off. I know, I am a weird duck. 

Before you figure out the way you wish to achieve closure, you need to figure out why you want closure in the first place. Are you having dreams about the guy/girl? Are you having trouble moving on? Are you still trying to make the guy/girl jealous? If so, you are not over him/her. I know everyone says that, but if you are still trying to "get their goat," then you need to realize you are not done with that person. You need to clarify your intentions, because there is a huge difference between gaining closure and trying for a second chance. It is a slippery slope. 

When you figure out why you want closure, how are you are going to go about getting it? Personally, I have tried to make the guy jealous and the satisfaction I get from it only last a solid 10 minutes. I end up looking stupid and desperate, oh and I still miss him. So, I don't get the "closure" I was looking for, because everything is motivated with wrong intentions. You are making yourself feel worse at the end of the day, and the ex is still on your mind.

I have tried the coming to "Jesus" talk. It works for awhile, but it ends up making me reminisce about the good times, which is not good for me. I have to remind myself why it did not work to begin with. Like I said before, I do better being pissed at the person. I workout or focus on my job, so I funnel that energy into productivity, compared to making the person jealous and in turn hurting myself, because I am unhappy. When I talk about what happened with that person, I find closure. I really do. It is the only thing that has come close to working for me. 

Trying to be friends with an ex is a dicy situation. It depends on the time that has passed, or if either party has honestly moved on. If not enough time has passed, I end of developing those feelings for the ex again. It is difficult to bring up the past and not try for a second chance to fix things. You see the potential in growth and maturity between both parties however, you need to focus on why it didn't work out to begin with, because sometimes both people are just not compatible enough. The cliche comes to mind - it is not meant to be. 

The most important advice I can give is whatever you do DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF. If the ex has a new person in their lives, you should not compare yourself - physically and emotionally. I have done this, and all it has done is made me reach for wine or be obsessive with working out. I feel like I have to be better, be prettier, be more fit and more successful. Yo, the DUDE DOES NOT CARE! Do whatever you can to rebuild your confidence, let go and move on. It is unhealthy to compare yourself to someone. God made us all unique. Someone is made to love us, like we want. Don't settle, because you do not feel good enough. 

Either way you go about gaining closure, figure out why you want it. Is it for you to move on or try again? Be honest with yourself. Run 10 miles and scream out loud, and ask yourself that question again. Boxing has helped me. You want to be selfish in this situation. Do what is best for yourself. Don't hurt yourself in the process. Time can work wonders. Usually, it just takes time. Be as strong as you possibly can. Fake it until you make it, and one morning you will wake up without him/her on your mind. 

Morgan Whitson Graduation Photos

My sister has been blessed with a great friend - Morgan Whitson. She is graduating from Texas Tech in hopes of starting her master's degree. I loved taking her photos! 

"The aim of education is the knowledge, not of facts, but of values." 

- William S. Burroughs

I know this photo is blurry and not in focus, but I love it. 

Best of luck with your future endeavors! 

Can't Stop Won't Stop

Working on some other blog posts, but until then here is some new music I am jamming to this week. I can't help, but share it with you. Sorry, if it seems like I am always posting about music. It makes my day, and I hope it makes your week go by quicker. Enjoy. 

My Summer Updates

I am sorry I have not written in a while. I have been consumed with starting my production business. This summer has flown by, and many of the things I promised I would get done on this blog have been accomplished, however, there is still much to do. 

New developments

I have been blessed with two great roommates - Marlon and Jenna. Honestly, some of the best roommates I have ever had. We are able to talk about rent options, and be mature adults while doing so. I would live in my house by myself if I had a choice, but LP&L would literally rob me penniless, so that is not an option. Luckily, I have good friends living in mi casa, and they are extremely helpful. 

My house is coming together nicely. There are only two "to do" priorities left to finish, one of which is redoing my entire laundry room. The tile underneath the rug is asbestos. Yes, I know I should have looked for that in the home inspection. My yard is beautiful and green with all the rain, and I have managed to keep my flowers alive for two months now, so that is a plus. 

Personal

I am still working on living a healthy lifestyle and becoming more flexible. I use to dance, and now I can barely touch my toes, so I have been stretching, and performing some yoga poses to lengthen those muscles. I am also drinking hot lemon water every morning and night to boost my metabolism and use it as a detox. That is slowly, but surely starting to make a difference. 

I have fluctuated long enough, and I am sick and tired of it. I know I keep saying that, but if I stick to a healthy lifestyle, not just a "diet," I will be more successful. I am making progress though. I have realized some reasons why my weight loss has been an ongoing factor, and hopefully this might help you if you are going through the same thing. Don't get me wrong, I am not in bad shape, but I could always be better. 

1. I expect all or nothing
2. I'm impatient
3. I find motivation in people or events instead of doing it for myself
Like weddings, holidays or men
4. I miss my favorite food
Two words - Indian food.
5. The support system
People telling me I can't do it, motivates me. People trying to break my diet for their own benefits like going out to a fast food joint or a bar and peer pressuring me to break it.
6. Derailing events
If I have a bad day or if something happens that bothers me, I go straight back to unhealthy eating. 
7. Lazy days 
I don't want to cook, because I had a busy day.
8. Telling people about my diet
Being too vocal about it.
9. Making a big deal out of it 
Obsessing over being healthy.
10. Using it has a burden
11. Excuses
Like traveling or wanting to try that specific kind of food or drink. 

I am mending fences with old friends, and I'm very grateful. I have forgotten how trivial the dramatic events that expired in my life where meaningless and emotionally exhausting. Hopefully, I can continue on that path with two other individuals I would like to feel comfortable being around again. Don't you hate worrying about running into a particular person, because the air is full of tension? I hate feeling uncomfortable or unwelcome.  

Work

It is going smooth.  The meditating has helped keep my anxiety at bay. We have submitted the 1970 Tornado Show for Inside Texas for an EMMY NOMINATION. Hopefully, we get that nom and if we win, I can add EMMY WINNER to my resume. That would be extraordinary. Thanks to the people I work with, I have become a stronger producer and editor. A year ago today, I would not think I would be capable of producing stories of this quality, not because I didn't believe in myself, but because I was so use to the news format of production. 

Future points

I am still trying to figure out when I am going to open the wine bar. It will happen, I can promise that, but it will be early next summer or in a couple years. I will be selling my house by next summer, if any one of you are interested? :) I still have big dreams of working in Seattle or Sacramento, however, instead of being an ESPN sports anchor, I would like to be a production manager or produce 30 for 30 films. I like being able to tell someone's entire story, instead of a five minute highlight reel. And with the work I have been doing it is like an art form, and a way to express creativity through different angles and soundbites.

Until next time, enjoy your summer! If you have blog topics you would like me to write about , please add them to the comments below. Thank you for reading! Also, I have added some new music below.

Another new development - my hairdo. (Getting rid of the dark hair and enjoying some bangs.) 
















Summer jams I am listening to.

Basically, anything from Ed Sheeran's new album.