Finding my Swag

I haven’t written in a while. I know you all are disappointed without some Bogle Breakdown in your life, and honestly I have been at a loss of words. When I can’t find the words that says a lot. The last time I wrote the post was about my move here to Fort Worth and my new awesome job, which is still awesome in case you were wondering, but this post is not about that.
 
One of my best friends called me the other night after about three months of us both being incognito and asked, “What happened to us?” She continued with: When did our lives become this? What happened to us being cool? We used to be unstoppable. We used to talk. We haven't been good friends. I'm an unhappy person. Why aren’t we the people we were in college? 

I swear we have ESP, extrasensory perception, because she called me on a tough day asking questions I was already asking myself. Our story may be different than many. I was asked the other day: When did I peak? I answered: “When I was taking 18 hours of college credit, producing/reporting a daily sports show, and then ended up making Dean’s List at the end of that semester.”
 

I peaked in college. I found my stride in college. I did not know what I wanted to be or study before I started my freshmen semester. I started an internship at Ramar Communications working as an Ag Talk radio producer and worked my way up. My friend started her career through an internship as well on The Hill, by that I mean D.C.! We both hit the ground running in college. We were getting in shape, we were healthy, we were fearless and we knocked down doors for our careers in Lubbock. You may not think that means much, but becoming successful in Lubbock as a female is harder than you think.

Randomly, my father was asked one day one word to describe me, and he said formidable. Formidable is defined as inspiring fear or respect through being impressively large, powerful, intense, or capable. Obviously, that can be a good and a bad characteristic to have. In college, I felt invincible. I was running and gunning, and every time I came home I had good news to report. I had found my identity. I haven’t felt that way in a long time, in a very long time. However, I know I have grown as a person. Career positions have made me more humble. Nevertheless, I need to stay hungry.

Humility works wonders. Honesty is something that needs to be valued and appreciated more in today’s society, but ambition, in my opinion, is the end all be all. Walking a fine line between ambition and entitlement, our generation can blur those lines. Five years ago I had a five-year plan and it did not work out at all like I imagined it. Haha. But I had a plan, and I don’t have a plan right now. I don’t know where I will be in five years or what I will be doing. I do know that I love where I am and I am thankful and blessed I made the move from Lubbock to Fort Worth. My life has changed for the better.

"I don't scratch my head unless it itches and I don't dance unless I hear some music. I will not be intimidated. That's just the way it is." - Coach Boone 

Formidable does not feel like a part of my daily life any more and I want that adjective back. This might sound like a selfish and egotistical thing to say, but I enjoyed it when people knew my name. I felt like my hard work paid off when people respected me. My friend and I worked our bums off in college to get to where we are today. Do I know we are still super young? Yes, but that does not change our career goals.

Physically, mentally, and personally my friend and I are working on getting back to that. Most people do not wish to return to their college selves, but we miss our swag. We miss that confidence in our career and our future. We lost ourselves trying to “conquer the world,” if you may. We might have gotten caught up in it all and woke up one day asking ourselves where did we go? Today, I don’t know what my identity is or what I am proud of, and that is the God’s honest truth.

My plan of action –

Writing/blogging
Exercising in the morning
Running every day
Mediating before bed - I'm a worrywart
Surrounding myself with like minded people
Strengthening my faith
Trusting my decisions
Digging my heels in to give life 100 percent

That is all I can do, and hopefully I find that Lauren Bogle who thinks she peaked in college, but has many more mountains to climb.

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. - Timothy Leary

Jams you might enjoy - 

Because I love Kid Rock, sue me. 

Two-stepping to this song is so fun.