Before you figure out the way you wish to achieve closure, you need to figure out why you want closure in the first place. Are you having dreams about the guy/girl? Are you having trouble moving on? Are you still trying to make the guy/girl jealous? If so, you are not over him/her. I know everyone says that, but if you are still trying to "get their goat," then you need to realize you are not done with that person. You need to clarify your intentions, because there is a huge difference between gaining closure and trying for a second chance. It is a slippery slope.
When you figure out why you want closure, how are you are going to go about getting it? Personally, I have tried to make the guy jealous and the satisfaction I get from it only last a solid 10 minutes. I end up looking stupid and desperate, oh and I still miss him. So, I don't get the "closure" I was looking for, because everything is motivated with wrong intentions. You are making yourself feel worse at the end of the day, and the ex is still on your mind.
I have tried the coming to "Jesus" talk. It works for awhile, but it ends up making me reminisce about the good times, which is not good for me. I have to remind myself why it did not work to begin with. Like I said before, I do better being pissed at the person. I workout or focus on my job, so I funnel that energy into productivity, compared to making the person jealous and in turn hurting myself, because I am unhappy. When I talk about what happened with that person, I find closure. I really do. It is the only thing that has come close to working for me.
Trying to be friends with an ex is a dicy situation. It depends on the time that has passed, or if either party has honestly moved on. If not enough time has passed, I end of developing those feelings for the ex again. It is difficult to bring up the past and not try for a second chance to fix things. You see the potential in growth and maturity between both parties however, you need to focus on why it didn't work out to begin with, because sometimes both people are just not compatible enough. The cliche comes to mind - it is not meant to be.
The most important advice I can give is whatever you do DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF. If the ex has a new person in their lives, you should not compare yourself - physically and emotionally. I have done this, and all it has done is made me reach for wine or be obsessive with working out. I feel like I have to be better, be prettier, be more fit and more successful. Yo, the DUDE DOES NOT CARE! Do whatever you can to rebuild your confidence, let go and move on. It is unhealthy to compare yourself to someone. God made us all unique. Someone is made to love us, like we want. Don't settle, because you do not feel good enough.
Either way you go about gaining closure, figure out why you want it. Is it for you to move on or try again? Be honest with yourself. Run 10 miles and scream out loud, and ask yourself that question again. Boxing has helped me. You want to be selfish in this situation. Do what is best for yourself. Don't hurt yourself in the process. Time can work wonders. Usually, it just takes time. Be as strong as you possibly can. Fake it until you make it, and one morning you will wake up without him/her on your mind.
No comments:
Post a Comment