Refusing to be the Victim

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." -  Harvey Fierstein 

I came across this quote the other day at the most opportune time. Before I graduated, I played the "feeling sorry for yourself" card constantly. My mother and I had not had a relationship for years, my faith in God was weak, I was unhappy at work and I was disappointed with my current physicality. Unfortunately, I was so selfish with all this self pity, I could not focus on the positives like GRADUATING early, getting the opportunity to do what I love, being surrounded by great friends and family, owning a house, and getting the chance to make a name for myself in the real world.

I played the victim over and over again, so much so at the end of the day I was not happy with myself. Sometimes you have to look in the mirror and hold yourself accountable and bring back your higher standard. So, I came home to be around my family, to watch my 13 year old little sister grow up and compete in sports. Being in college and broadcast for three years, I missed a lot of her growing up and being there for her and being there for my family.

I use to get sick of the questions people in this small town would ask, like "what are planning on doing, and what happened to your awesome job." I would explain, "I am not sure, and I just left my job and wanted to start somewhere new." I was most definitely lost. I kept explaining, and kept getting frustrated, instead of owning it and believing in God's plan. He told me to go home. He told me to revamp myself. I have done this before in my life during my parents hellacious divorce, one of the most difficult things I have ever had to go through. On top of that, I couldn't go play college volleyball, because I had pushed myself while having plantar fascittis in my right foot. Playing college sports was my lifelong plan, and without that, I was lost. God really tested my faith during the divorce and my future athletic career being shut down abruptly.

In the process of all of this, I have lost friends that I thought were friends, and probably a blooming relationship. I have made mistakes and could have handled adversity better, and am working on improving. However, it's all a part of this process. I absolutely love where I am at. I get to coach young adults and be a positive influence, especially for my younger sister who runs track. All the while, working out with them preparing for my next chapter. My mother and I have a relationship for the first time in a long time, and I am so blessed and thankful for that.

I know I will be in broadcast again. It is what I love, and I am most definitely not giving up. 300 applications is quite the process, and making it to the finals and not getting the offer is a reality check. You've got to keep trying until the place where God knows you should be lands in your hands or in your email inbox.

If you are reading this, you are probably a friend or just nosy haha either is cool. You already know I have an obsession and it's sports, and an opinion about everything related to sports - whether you think it's annoying or impressive. I hope someday I will be back on a field or court doing what I know I am meant to be doing. For now, I get to coach and be a sports writer while being a part of my family business surrounded by loved ones.

In due time, God will place me where I need to be. As for now, I am finally happy. I know it is corny, but this next chapter of my life will be handled differently with more strength, respect, confidence, and trust in God. I will not be the victim, instead I will take responsibility.