Be the Action

"You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life," Albert Camus said.

Reasons why you need to reevaluate wanting attention:

1. Looking for love in all the wrong places
2. Nit-picking everything about yourself 
3. Relying on other people to make you happy
4. Not secure in your profession
5. Jealous of other people 
6. Throwing yourself in several random projects, and not 
finishing any of them
7. Negativity is your middle name right now
8. You're not comfortable alone
9. You're talking a lot about yourself, yet not making any physical changes.
10. You're relying on alcohol, smoking, shopping any other vice of your choice WAY too much.

With all these possible reasons, at the end of the day all you're doing is masking the problem. You are self-sabotaging, getting in your own way. Find the stimulus, and stop the negative reactions by craving attention.  

My struggle

I don't care how old you are, searching for your loved ones approval and support never goes away. Everyone wants to feel wanted, loved and appreciated. Unfortunately, when you don't get the attention from your loved ones, you dive into projects, intense workouts or relationships to fill that void or maybe that is just me. I will beat my head against a wall (figuratively, of course) trying to get that support, not in a five-year-old throwing a fit kind of way. Even though I am extremely independent, I rely on my close friends and family to help me feel reassured that I am doing the right thing with my life even though it is MY life. 

I want to feel confident in my own personal actions not through a man's affection or seeking approval from those close to me. I set high expectations for people, because I expect them to act like I do, express emotions like I do, and that is setting myself up for failure. I can not change people. You know the friends and family you call that will give you the blunt truth and hard hitting questions, and the friends and family you call when you need a sugar-coating response, and just a "I support you and love you," kind of talk. Sometimes, it is nice to have the I support you and love you response instead of the interrogating and judgmental questions. 

"Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy," Anne Frank said.

It comes down to finding an identity, feeling confident in myself, and not depending on others to determine my happiness. I need to be secure with what I am doing, and what path I am taking, while trying to do the right thing. We depend sometimes on other people and materialistic things to make us happy, and we get so wrapped up in that, that we forget to be responsible for our own happiness. It is almost like we forgot how to make ourselves happy without other elements involved. Instead of waiting to react I need to be responsible for the action in my life.

Dexter Demon Track and Field District 2014

Click on this link below:

Dexter Demon Track and Field District Highlight 2014

Madison Bogle District Highlight 2014

Met Gala 2014 Best Dressed

1. Charlize Theron and Sean Penn. Who else can pull off a blazer with that dress?










2. Rihanna. One word, fierce. This is how you change up the usual midriff trend.












3. SJP can do no wrong.












4. Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds. This is how you make old Hollywood look modern.











5. Rachel McAdams. I love the simplicity of this dress and it fits her like a glove.












6. Victoria Beckham. The white trend at the Gala was on point, to say the least, last night.











7. Move over Kim Kardashian, I give you Kendall Jenner. Her hair and accessories are on point.











8. Chrissy Teigen and John Legend. I love how the ruffles around her collar are subtle, and the color is beautiful on her.











9. Dakota Johnson. She had some backlash from this dress, but I think it is beautiful on her and I love the dark gloves.











10. I have to give Taylor Swift some love, because this pink dress was a classy choice.










Honorable Mention

Emma Stone, never fails. I just got tired of seeing the midriffs after Rihanna set the bar.

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, because these two are just two perfect together and their styles mesh well.

I hate putting Beyonce on the honorable mention, but the other set the bar pretty high.

Nicole Richie, I respect the risk and silver goes pretty good with light purple hair.











What the hell happened?

Nupita finally had a fashion mess up. I think she can still pull it off, but to the Met Gala?

Yes, under all the fabric is the stunning Kate Upton. What was she thinking? It's like a goth house on the prairie situation.

Katie Holmes has too much going wrong with this number. The color, the fitting, the hair being down and messy....I just don't get it.










Photo credit - eonline.com

Trying to Play God

I haven't been able to write as of late, so excuse me if this post is all over the place. I have been in a funk, and I can't put my finger on it. It usually has something to do with not working out and feeling fat or stress at work or failed friendships. Pathetic, I know, but it is none of those mentioned. 

I am the hamster on the never ending wheel. My mind won't stop thinking. I am the ultimate worry wart, always worried about the usual - bills, family, friends, work etc., but lately I am worried about the future, and what choices I am making now. 

Always say "yes" to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? - Eckhart Tolle

I have huge hopes for my entrepreneur plans in the future. However, lately that has hit a snag. I am still hoping to start a wine bar sometime this fall or next spring. I have been bombarded with doubts from people close to me, which has not helped. Business opinions are valued, but when do you stop listening? It is different than "you shouldn't care what they think," when this has to do with high risk. I know in my gut it would work, but when you discuss a gut feeling with someone about business they laugh at you and reasonable so. 

Recently, I interviewed Kim McPherson and he gave me some great advice. He said, "I can't sit here and think about what might have been if I had stayed in California. You've got to grab the dream and run with it." I can't think about what if I wouldn't have left Ramar, and gone home for five months to get my mind straight, because that was one of the best decisions I ever made for myself. I can't wonder what if I was still coaching track, even though I miss sharing my athletes achievements with them. Surprisingly, I miss home. I miss being around my family and working with them, but I love what I am doing here in Lubbock. I wish I could be in two places at the same time. The "what if" game is something that goes round and round in my head. I don't like playing the second-guessing game. 

However, I am having trouble figuring out if I am giving up on my dream (being an ESPN anchor) or if this is what I am suppose to be doing with my life or if my dreams are changing for the better? I don't want to get in the way of the big man upstairs plans. I don't want to force anything, but I am impatient. I know it would be impossible to try to be an entrepreneur and a sports anchor at the same time, mind you I am talking years into the future. I understand I am just 23.

If you are still reading, you have figured out I over analyze everything, and I ramble. I am not one to "go with the flow" very easy.  

If you are depressed you are living in the past.

If you are anxious you are living in the future. (so I guess this is where I stand?)

If you are at peace you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu 

How exactly does one live in the "present?" I pray for answers about my career plan. I try to write down what would work out best. I know my present career is in good standing, which is reassuring, but I think I always have to be on my toes for some reason. (That is where the hamster on the never ending wheel comes in.) We produced a show on the Lubbock May 1970 tornado, and I have made huge strides with producing. I try and go with the everyday flow of things, but I am still looking for answers. Like I said, I don't honestly know what questions I am looking to answer to begin with. In other words, I am confused and a hot mess. Cheers to that! 

I don't know if this would be considered running away from my problems or trying to clear my head, but I want to take a weekend to jump in my truck and drive. Arizona, Colorado, whatever it may be. I have always wanted to travel by myself, seeing I have always wanted to go to Seattle by myself that will not suffice for a quick weekend. It would nice to regroup, if that is even what I need? That is the rambling side of me. I am brainstorming what would help me get out of this funk. Suggestions are welcomed!

It is just a funk, I know I need to leave it in God's hands. I am not in a negative state of mind, or taking things for granted. The funk is just anxiousness, that is what I have deduced since writing this down. Deduced is a fun word, in case that word threw you off while reading. Tis enjoy. The only bad thing about this funk is that the over analyzing as turned into paranoia and questioning my trust, in turn distancing myself from people. I turn off and keep to myself. It is usually weird for me to stop communicating, so I am sure those close to me have already figured out what is going on. haha 

I hope this music helps your week fly by

More music, tis enjoy! 

Two words - Sam Smith. Get to know that name.

Sound familiar? This song is from Twilight. I've seen three of the movies and am not the biggest vampire fan, but I love this song.

Love the lyrics.

I am obsessed with this song, this band, the whole shabang. Feel-good tune.

Another feel-good tune and check out their other song "Fever." And it is Kings of Leon. Need I say more? 

Because I love Stevie Nicks and Lady Antebellum.

Lana Del Rey with a new single. 

Having a tough day? Let My Sharona and The Knack cure the blues. 

25 Reasons you are Turning into your Parents

1. You're are trying not to, just embrace the weirdness.

2. You start listening to old music, because you are not liking the new musical change in direction.

3. You are starting to be productive on weekends. 
You don't want to go out and drink anymore, because you know you will curse the wind when mowing your yard Sunday afternoon. 

4. You start becoming interested in older/sophisticated things.
For example: cigars, wine bars, dance lessons and buying antiques, like record players and old movies trying to remember the good ol' days. 

5. You start to feel guilty when you rebel. 
You start thinking about consequences of smoking, alcohol and other stuff that you use to feel invincible with. 

6. You have an extremely strong opinion about world news. 
You start complaining about world problems and political nonsense than your own problems. 
You have gotten your degree or have just grown up since high school. Chances are, you either think exactly like your parents or your opinions differ which makes "objective" conversations difficult. 
For example: 
    Me, "Dad, I don't focus on social opinions, I'm a libertarian which means I'm open minded. I am a christian and as a christian we should not hate or judge other people, so social issues are the least of my worries with the world's direction right now." 
Dad, "Oh, so you support Obama." 
Me, "Pounding my head against the wall." 
Uncle, "You went to Texas Tech, and now you are a damn democrat? I thought that school was conservative?" 
Me, "I still support lower taxes and the right to bear arms, and this has nothing to do with Tech, but yes, I have an educated opinion now." 

7. You get more happiness from a clean house to start the week, than a hangover. Chores, become an everyday part of your routine, and you have learned to appreciate them.

8. You realize it's impressive your parents kept you alive giving birth in their 20s, because how in the heck could you do the same in your current situation? A new profound respect arises. So maybe they didn't pick the best clothes that looked like table clothes, you are still alive and walking! :)

9. You enjoy your morning coffee at 7:00 a.m. on the weekends rather than sleeping in. And it is difficult to sleep in with your everyday work schedule of 7 a.m.

10. Those life lessons you didn't know actually meant the world, are starting to take effect right now. For example: putting 50% of that paycheck into savings......yeah.....

11. After your early 20s and that college weight, your health starts to be top priority, just as your parents are focused on their health for future grandkids. 


12. Food that did not taste good before that your parents ate, you are either open to try and like the food or you actually enjoy eating that food. My mother's is fritos and bean dip....I have not started to like this yet. God blessed us when it came to road trips and mother's breath. 

13. You spend countless minutes on the phone catching up with family members more than your long distance friends.

14. You appreciate a handwritten letter, since you are constantly bombarded with email.

15. Your interest in TV shows and documentaries start to take an interesting turn. They may be more historical and about mother nature? 

16. You start saying those weird catch phrases your parents say. For example, "I was on you like white on rice. or I was faster than a rooster on a june bug." 

17. You focus on mending bridges you burnt. You are not influenced by drama anymore.

18. Odd things make you laugh more than usual. 

19. You stop driving like a bat out of hell. 

20. Parties are starting to turn into a glass/bottle of wine with the ladies or meeting up on the patio to smoke a cigar. 

21. New technology is sometimes frustrating to adjust to now. 

22. You are worried about the generation that follows you. 

23. You're okay with being alone instead of surrounded by people. 

24. Religion is starting to be a priority. Morals and ethics are also impacting your future decisions. Consequences are serious. 

25. Already mapping out what your future children are and are not going to be allowed to do after your own experiences. 

I guess this list could be similar to 'Reasons you are starting to Grow Up,' which is the same as comparing yourself to your responsible, disciplined and successful parents. Putting the right priorities first, and focusing on a better, longer life for your future with children or being a millionaire or developing into the next motivational speaker. I will never eat fritos and bean dip in front of my future children like my mother did, because that is just cruel and unusual punishment. Love you, Mom! 

Unionization: Athletes are Employees

It's not really an argument on unionization, it is an argument that the NCAA has fought for years - can athletes make a profit while in college? Can they be considered employees? I agree with most of the athletes. They work very hard, and if they would rather receive a paycheck than tuition, then that should be up to them.  

Johnny Manziel is a prime example. If his signature makes him money, why can't he profit? The NCAA and colleges take advantage of these players and they make money off of jersey and ticket sales, why can't athletes take a percentage of what their OWN NAME is worth? It can be considered an incentive to some athletes. If you work your butt off, and become a very popular athlete, then you can financially benefit. Win for the player. Win for the NCAA. Win for the school's publicity, ticket sales, and RECRUITING. 

I understand this argument. "That the scholarships are a transfer of economic value is evident from the fact that the Employer pays for the players' tuition, fees, room, board, and books for up to five years," Peter Ohr wrote. "While it is true that the players do not receive a paycheck in the traditional sense, they nevertheless receive a substantial economic benefit for playing football."

However, college is not for everyone. So why not let these athletes choose between tuition or a paycheck? These athletes aren't complaining that they get tuition, fees, room, board and books payed for, not to mention the best nutritionists and weight training provided to them. They are making an argument for banding together in order to get the NCAA to listen, and hopefully make money off of their hard work. 

Think about it this way many of these athletes have no time for a second job or an internship while in college, because whatever sport they are participating in is their second job. When they graduate they have a degree in their hands, yes, but no experience. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to make you feel sorry for them. They have the best benefits, but it kind of sets them up for failure. You either make it to the pros, or you pray that an employer will take a chance on you without any experience. Why do you think most former athletes go into a sports related field like training, coaching, broadcast etc.? Their name caries weight, but outside the realm of sports they need real-world experience. 

Say an athlete gets into the pros, and signs a million dollar contract with several endorsements. He or she is not use to making that kind of money, is not use to the financial obligation, because in college they don't even get a taste of that kind of wealth. A couple years later they are bankrupt with a ripped up body, all because they were not prepared. There is a huge gap between college and the pros. 

The Northwestern football players did receive the vote to unionize. The reason why players are trying to unionize is, because there is no other choice when going up against the NCAA. When Northwestern called the NCAA a "dictatorship," I laughed out loud, because it is ridiculously true. Times are changing, and the NCAA needs to adapt. Jerseys, season ticket sales, autographs, and other materialistic things the NCAA can profit off of an athlete's name is not fair to the athlete that busted his or her butt to make it profitable. 

I could go on for days about the NCAA and their stupid minute rules and all of them are based on their own greed and not learning how to adapt to change. Do you see them following Alabama closely? No, because guess who made them a ton of money last year....ALABAMA. They will nit pick Texas Tech coaches for sending out text messages to recruits congratulating them on a good game, but will not look into how Nick Saban replenishes his championship team every year? Don't get me wrong, the state of Alabama has a ton of stout recruits, I know that. 

Had the NCAA even decided on the University of Miami's punishment yet? I gave up hope and stopped following that process. ESPN 30 for 30 exposes everything about The U already. I am just saying they drag their feet on big names schools for a reason.  Also, currently the NCAA is fighting a class-action federal lawsuit by former players seeking a cut of the billions of dollars generated from live broadcasts, memorabilia sales and video games. There is my random rant on the NCAA. The NCAA sucks. That is all.

So this is where Northwestern stands.

The decision paves the way for an election to be held in which only scholarship players can vote. But Northwestern will likely request the full board in Washington to review Peter Ohr's ruling before that can happen. The school has two weeks to do so.

Parting thoughts: I hope the players unionize, and bring out the absolute worst in the NCAA. Someone needs to reveal why the NCAA makes the decisions they do, and explain how giving the players a percentage of their net worth will ultimately make the NCAA suffer. Good riddance.